You know you are a Mom when...
- The grandparents keep your kids for the night and instead of a wild and crazy date night you are excited to finally be able to watch all of your recorded shows on your DVR.
- You go to a kidless friend's party and feel like an old lady at a high school party who is more worried about making sure everyone has a safe ride home.
- You get excited that you have "sexy time" (for lack of a better word) down to 10 minutes flat and it is rated a success for more than the one obvious reason - when no one cries, knocks or walks in.
- You give up on caring if there is dog hair on the furniture because you are more worried about pee on the walls of your son's bathroom.
- You constantly ask yourself why you can't get that damn pee smell out of your son's bathroom and wonder if something is wrong with his equipment for not being able to control it.
- You walk around with dried snot or spit up on your shoulder as if it is an accessory to your outfit.
- You start to feel like you're not needed if you are going to the bathroom and no one is asking for something or telling you a story about their day.
- Shaving your legs makes you feel like you really have your crap together that day!
- You don't even flinch at getting peed on or getting poop on your hand when changing diapers.
- You find yourself daydreaming about kicking some 6 year old's ass because he was mean to your kid.
- You spend more time worrying about your kids and their activities than you do your hair, makeup or outfit.
- Slapping a hat on your head = awesome hair day.
- You have hand sanitizer and baby wipes on hand at all times, even when you are not with your kids.
- You reach into your purse for your wallet and pull out a diaper, baby wipe full of snot and an old french fry.
- You use words like "silly" and "potty" when talking to adults.
- Silence scares you. Someone is either hurt, dead or something is broken.
- The highlight of your day is grocery shopping alone.
- You are a walking coat rack with a baby carrier on one arm, a purse, diaper bag and holding your other child's crap that he just can't seem to carry.
- You feel qualified enough to put the initials R.N. behind your name.
- Wine and coffee become necessities.
- You automatically sway when you hear someone else's baby crying.
- Your husband is out with friends for the night and you are actually excited about G rated movie night with your seven year old.
- Dropping the kids off at two separate locations, going to work, picking them up, going to the grocery store and taking one to the doctor is considered a slow day.
Instead of posting recipes with every post (starting to run out after about 50, haha) I am going to start posting some hilarious pictures I have come across. I think these are appropriate for today's topic. Enjoy!