Tuesday, October 23, 2012

He Doesn't...

I know people read my blog but I really don't know how many people are experiencing the things I write about or if they are just bored and have nothing better to do than read what I have to say.  :)

I have been lucky enough to have friends ask me for guidance and trust my advice.  I am so thankful that people trust me enough to discuss their problems with me and just let me listen to them vent or let me give advice.  Anyways, I thought I would try something new for today (and maybe a few more posts) and talk about some common issues that I think a lot of people deal with.  Kind of like a Dear Abby except I'm writing a response to, well, no one.  Haha!  So, here we go...

He doesn't...

...pay attention to me anymore.
...find me attractive anymore.
...want to be intimate as often as he used to.
...like to do the same things we used to.
...try to be romantic or spontaneous.
...have the same priorities in life that he used to have.

I feel like a lot of women who have been married more than a couple of years feel like their husbands aren't necessarily the same guy they thought they married.  First off, can we just be honest for a second ladies?!  They have to put on at least a little bit of a front to get you in the first place.  It is very slowly that they start to reveal the real them.  And if we are really being honest wouldn't we say we do the same thing, even a little bit?!

That being said, my first piece of advice would be to look in the mirror before you start accusing your husband of what he doesn't do anymore.  The other day I was driving home from work and I looked over at the lady in the car next to me at a red light.  She was reapplying her lipstick and powder and then popped a piece of gum in her mouth.  I started laughing so hard because I remember that is exactly what I used to do on my way home from work.  I wanted to look good and smell good for my hubby when I walked in the door.  Now I just want to get home and rip my bra off and put my sweats on as fast as possible.  Haha! 

What is it that you are doing differently?!  Do you use the bathroom with the door open?  Do you require a little more warm up time before going to "funky town" (Parenthood reference)?  Do you choose to spend your date nights at the grocery store?  Do you always go out with your husband with no make up and your hair in a ponytail?  Look, I'm the first girl to admit I love being comfortable and I love that Garrett accepts me for who I am.  But the point is that if you want him to still try you have to still try too!

I think as women we automatically assume our husbands don't find us attractive anymore.  We gain some weight or our bodies look slightly (okay, totally) different after having babies.  But you know what?  The second he sees some skin (that you are embarassed to show) he will be all.over.that.  Seriously... give it a try.  Try being at least a little more confident in your skin and he will reciprocate.

Maybe he doesn't like to do the same things y'all used to.  I think back on when Garrett and I were dating and we would sometimes have picnics in the park.  I wish you could see how hard I am laughing right now picturing me presenting this as a date idea to him these days.  Not gonna' happen.  Maybe some of you ladies are lucky enough to have guys that would love to go see a play followed by a picnic and a nice stroll in the park.  Not mine!  I have learned to deal with that and even enjoy doing non-romantic comedy type things with my husband.  Now we LOVE watching baseball together.  We also love movies, dinners out, listening to live music, going to wineries, Top Golf, you name it!  I'm not going to pretend like I love sitting down and watching a full football game but we have found some things we love to do together.

Maybe you think he isn't as romantic or spontaneous as he used to be.  Our pastor has been giving some great sermons lately on marriage and one of the things he said a couple of weeks back was that we need to be supportive when our guys try to do something nice for us.  If he plans an awful date go with it.  Don't criticize.  I love that advice!  Guys have enough confidence issues and don't need us picking apart everything they do.  Appreciate and compliment them on what they do for you and I promise they will want to be that way more often.

Okay, I know that was a long post but I hope it was helpful or at least somewhat entertaining.  As always, I would love any feedback you have for me through Facebook or here.  And if you've got questions, I hope I've got answers!

Here are some funny pictures I have found on Marriage.

And my favorite...



  1. As an "old lady" who's on her second marriage, I can vouch for your claims, Jewels. I look back on how pitifully neglected I thought I was in my first marriage... and think to myself, "THANK GOD I have matured!" We're in for a lifetime of suffering if we think our spouse is supposed to fulfill all of our needs. Whenever I have started to think "If only he..." about my husband, the Holy Spirit has quickly jumped in and said, "Just love him." "but...." I think, and He replies with "Just love him." And in particular, appreciate him, and show him that he is appreciated. No one can fulfill our every need, but if we love them, they will want to.

    1. Wow! Talk about words of wisdom. I wish I knew who you were "unknown" but thanks so much for commenting! :)