I have had friends that have told me in confidence they are not really attracted to their husbands anymore. This makes me so sad because I can't fathom being in a marriage like that. I can't help but wonder if sexual baggage has something to do with this. I once heard a preacher talk about the kind of sexual baggage you bring into a marriage when you have had many (or any for that matter) sexual experiences before you get married and I have to say I completely agree.
Without trying too get to preachy about this subject you have to sit and wonder if you would have waited until you were married how much better sex could have been, right? I am the first person to admit that I am a sinner and not perfect but I am so incredibly grateful and unashamed to say that I married the only man I have ever been completely intimate with.
I will spare you the details of my sex life (haha) but I will say that after 9 years of marriage I am still completely and totally attracted to my husband and he is still shockingly (had to get a little dig in on myself) attracted to me. We have not exactly stayed in shape over the last 9 years so to still be attracted to each other and have a strong desire to want to be intimate is a big deal. I am a strong believer that sex is a fundamental part of marriage. Lack of intimacy is one of the top reasons why spouses turn to someone else or something else which ultimately crumbles a marriage.
I can see how, if I would have had many sexual partners, I would be constantly comparing them to my husband. Everyone remembers their first kiss or their first experience of maybe taking it a little too far before they were ready. Even the experiences I had before Garrett (as minor as they may seem) are still ingrained in my mind. That is not something you can just erase from your memory.
We can't turn back time though, right? So what is the point of my rambling since most of the people who read my blog are already in their late 20s (or older) and can't erase the past? If you are already married and are carrying around a lot of sexual baggage I encourage you to pray for God to release that so you can truly enjoy the intimacy that was meant between a man and a woman in marriage. If you have kids I strongly encourage you to share your life experiences with them when they are older to help guide them in their decision making. I think so many parents make the mistake of never talking about sex with their kids... or even worse just telling their kids not to do it and leaving it at that. I don't expect my boys to be perfect but I do hope to help them to understand what a gift sex can be when it is practiced the way God intended.
I wish I had even older pictures on my computer but here is a then and now of me and the man I am lucky enough to share my life with.
February 23, 2003
Until next time...