Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What Women Want

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk and blew my nose.  I felt a massive booger fly out the instant relief of pressure but when I looked at the Kleenex (everyone does that, right?) there was nothing there.  Uh oh.  I spent about 5 minutes searching my face, hair, shirt and desk for the proof of said pressure relief only to come up with nothing.  I am still hoping it does not show up on a random document in the office. 

Now, on to my topic of what women want.  I think it's so easy for women to get on the topic of man bashing.  But let's be honest.  We aren't exactly perfect either.  I have learned that what I say I want from my husband and the reality of what I want are often complete opposites.  I think a lot of women are like that.  And I can only imagine how frustrating it is for a guy to try and make his woman happy when her wants are constantly changing.

*The top line is what I might say I want but the bottom line is the reality.*

I want my husband to be sensitive.  I want him to watch romantic comedies and then talk about the movie afterward with me.
If my husband did this more than a couple times a year I might start to question his sexuality.

I prefer that my husband does not aim his ass at me on the couch when he is preparing to fart.
Go right ahead because that just gives me justification for farting in your presence later.

I want my husband to tell me the truth about my new hairstyle or outfit.
Unless he doesn't like it.

I want my husband to be a tough guy who hunts and would protect me if our house was broken into.
I don't want to hear the story about the animal that died.  And if our house was broken into I wouldn't take the time to wake my husband up.  I would get the gun and take care of it myself.

I want my husband to be really involved in the care taking of our children.
I would be looking over his shoulder biting my tongue so I don't tell him all the things he is doing wrong.

I want my husband to hold me accountable when I tell him I am on a diet or starting to exercise more.
If he so much as uttered a word about what I was eating or the fact that I did not work out that day he would get a "Go to hell" stare down.

I want my husband to be home every weekend during hunting season.
Orrr... every other weekend. 

I want my husband to buy me flowers.
Since we share money I would honestly be pretty upset if he spent a lot of money on something that would die in a few days.

I want my husband to ask me what he can do to make my day easier.
I want him to leave me the hell alone and let me get through my list of stuff to do for the day.

I want my husband to find me desirable.
Unless I'm tired.  Then I want my husband to understand that sweat pants, a ripped up sweatshirt, mismatched fuzzy socks and hairy legs is a clear sign that he's not getting any. 

It's funny because it's true!


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