When He Calls My Name

Becoming a mom has completely changed my perspective on life.  When I found out I was pregnant with Garrison I came to understand what a gift life is.  Listening to his heartbeat, feeling him kick, feeling him roll around, seeing him for the very first time - such a miracle.

After going through the adoption process with Ethan and meeting his birth mother I became even more aware of what a blessing life is.  I remember meeting that little 2 lb 15 oz baby for the first time.  I was amazed that he fit in the palm of my husband's hand.  It was SO hard leaving him at the NICU every night.  But I knew, without a doubt, that angels were surrounding him.  His birth mother choosing life for him is the most selfless gift she could give.  He has blessed our family beyond measure and I am forever grateful to her for the gift she gave him and us. 

The one thing I used to fear the most was death.  The thought of losing a loved one or my own death coming far too soon and my kids having to grow up without me was almost too much to fathom.  I have reached a point in my walk with God where I no longer fear death.  Don't get me wrong.  I would be devastated if I lost someone close to me.  But knowing that they would be with God is not just something I would think to make myself feel better.  It's reality.  And I would take such comfort in that.  And if I were to get diagnosed with a terminal illness tomorrow I would be heartbroken for my boys knowing that they would have to grow up without a mom.  But I would have no fear.  I know that my husband and their father would step in and raise them to know and love Jesus.  I know that they would grow into the young men that God meant for them to become. 

I would love nothing more than to live a long, happy life here on earth.  To watch my boys grow up, find their wives and become fathers would bring me such joy.  But if that is not in God's plans it fills me with such joy to finally be at a place in my life where I can say I am at peace with the life I have lived and that death brings no fear.  And it reminds me that I need to continue living this life for Him.  I need to constantly be asking Him who and where He wants me to serve. 

When He calls my name and it's time for me to leave this life, this wonderful, beautiful life, I would go with no hesitation and absolutely no fear.

How do you feel about death?  Do you feel like you are living the life He has called you to?  The great thing about God is He is always there.  He is ready to show you what living for Him is all about - all you have to do is ask. 

Chris Tomlin's song, "I Will Rise" is one of my favorite songs of all time. 

~Jewels*