Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Death by Acorn and It's Almost Laughable

My seven year old loves to pick flowers, leaves and even acorns for people he loves.  I still have a leaf in my purse he gave me two weeks ago.  I would save the flowers but that is not possible since he picks weeds instead - I just don't have the heart to tell him they die an hour after he gives them to me.  I saved four acorns in a compartment of my driver's side door in my car.  As he told me when he picked those out, each one represents someone in our family.  Yes, let's all take a moment for a collective "Awwww".  Well apparently Garrison thought it would be fun to spread those acorns out on the driver's side floor board of my car yesterday.  Why?  I don't know.  I have a weird kid is the only reasonable response I can come up with. 

This morning, after:
  1. Rushing out the door
  2. Listening to Ethan SCREAM his head off because he didn't like the first, second or third sippy cup I gave him
  3. Me asking him out loud why he was so picky
  4. My gas light going off the second I pulled out of the garage
  5. Garrison telling him, "You get what you get and don't throw a fit"
  6. Having to drive back to the house to get my glasses after remembering I didn't put my contacts in
  7. Dropping Ethan off with his oh so patient and incredible sitter who he magically quieted down for and so sweetly started drinking out of his sippy cup with...

I was driving to work and I kept feeling my foot roll over something on the floor board.  At one point I even gunned the gas accidentally and almost rear ended the car in front of me.  I reached down, pulling a muscle in my shoulder blade, and grabbed it.  That damn acorn that used to always make me smile when I looked at it almost became the death of me.  I can see the headlines now, "Mom of two dies in auto accident.  Cause of death - acorn." 

I felt like I should have been drinking out of this mug today:

It's Almost Laughable

After my nightmare of a morning I was driving to work thanking God that I am working part time at a job with a much slower pace and lower stress level.  I have mentioned before that I have lots of stories from my last job and would share them some day in this blog.  I used to be an Executive Assistant for the COO at a mid size company.  The owner of the company (who had five assistants who changed as often as I changed my underwear) was based in California and while I did not support him 100% of the time I did support him when he was in Dallas staying at his rent house (which costs more than any permanent house I'm sure I will ever own).

Looking back at that job now it really is almost laughable.  Here are just a couple <horror> stories that I hope will make you grateful for your job today.  I'll save some others for another day.

Salad Bar
He walks up to me while I'm on a conference call, with a headset on, and asks if I'm on a call.  After I nod my head he proceeds to talk to me.  <Insert Juliana's confused face here.> 
Boss Man: "Can you go to Whole Foods and get me a salad from the salad bar?"
I really hate going to Whole Foods.  I stand out like a sore thumb among the granola eating, tree hugging hippies who wear socks with their sandals and stare at me like I'm a foreigner.
Me: "Sure.  What do you want on the salad?"
Boss Man: "Call me when you get there and I'll tell you."
I go to Whole Foods and call him when I get to the salad bar.
Me: "Okay, I'm here.  What would you like?"
Boss Man: "Okay, go down the line and read me off everything they have and I'll tell you yes or no."
I look up to see there are three double sided rows of food options.  Grreeeeeat!
Me: "Lettuce Choices are......" I won't bore you with all the food details, most of which I can't even spell or pronounce.
I work my way around to the dressing.  Keep in mind I'm wearing heels and a skirt.  As I have the phone cradled between my ear and shoulder and am telling him the dressing choices I slip on some olive oil that someone spilled and catch myself just in time before hitting the ground.  I pick up the phone that I dropped.
Me: "Sorry about that.  I just slipped and almost fell."
Boss Man: "Do they have soup too?"
I shit you not...true story.

Southern Gentleman?
I was his driver when he was in town, even though we had a full time driver that we paid.  One day I picked him up from his doctor appointment, dropped off his prescription, picked up his dry cleaning and we get back to the office.
Boss Man:  While on the phone, looks at me and says, "Will you grab my suitcase and dry cleaning and take them up to the office?"
We get out of the car and I fully expect him to take something from my hands.  Nope.  He saunters up to the door as I stumble behind him (once again in heels) dragging his suitcase and trying to carry his clothes over my shoulder.
Me: At least I have someone to open the door for me. 
Nope.  He walks in letting the door slam on me. 
We get to the elevator and he stands there waiting for me to push the elevator button.

I feel like I was really good at what I did and I enjoyed the fast paced nature of my job.  I know that being an EA is like catering to someone hand and foot which I am fine with - as long as I get paid well for it and they are somewhat civil to me in return.  I tried laughing off these things at the time but in the heat of the moment it was really hard.  I would come home every day stressed to the max and venting to my husband.  I was impatient with Garrison and my husband and it was just not good for us at all.  The sad part was I really enjoyed my direct boss but the owner was just a wack job, plain and simple.  I truly felt sorry for him because no one liked him or trusted him. 

Looking back now I can laugh at the ridiculousness of that place and truly appreciate any job I might ever have in the future. 


Thinking about mailing ex Boss Man this coffee mug.


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