I so often feel like I am caught in the middle. These are some of my favorite lines and why.
Deep water faith in the shallow end
I feel like sometimes I have this really deep faith but I am restricting it by staying in the shallow end of the water, where it's safe. I am so scared to venture out and use that faith for His glory.
The God we want and the God who is
Do you sometimes try to make God who you want Him to be? I have heard so many people say that our times have changed so we should change with it. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Would we trade our dreams for his
This really hits close to home for me. I had always dreamed of having a second biological child (and possibly a third). So when Garrett first told me he didn't want anymore children after Garrison I was devastated and felt like my dreams had been shattered. But I continued to trust God and His dream for us. He knew what He was doing when He gave us Ethan. His dream was so much better than mine.
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
I have always been such a planner. I am still to this day working on letting my faith be bigger than my plans and trusting Him instead of myself.
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
This would go a little something like this...
"Take control of everything in my life Lord but don't take my boyfriend away from me. I need him."
"I ask you to transform me...except don't let me lose any of my friendships I have had for so long."
"I know it's wrong Lord but I'm only human. After all, we are all sinners."
This one is really hard for me to hear because it is like a dagger to the heart. When I wanted to take the easy way out of marriage I shut God out of my life. I didn't want to hear Him tell me that I needed to stay no matter how hard it got. When Garrett felt called for us to adopt Ethan I was so fearful to ask God what He wanted for us. I was scared of and selfish about so many things and didn't want His confirmation that this was meant for us. But when I let go, completely let go, and gave these things to God He transformed me. He transformed my life. His plans for us have been SO much bigger than ours. And that brings me to my favorite line in the song:
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle
Even when I doubt Him, even when I shut Him out, He is there. He still loves me. He is so incredibly patient with me and never leaves my side. Thank God for that!
My amazing cousin, Kaitlyn, took our family pictures this past weekend. She did an incredible job! The fact that I am super picky (and critical of myself) and still liked over 60 of them says a lot! She is a grad student and does a little photography on the side. Check her out on Facebook if you are interested - she is tagged in our Family Pics album. Here are just a few of my favorites: