Wednesday, May 14, 2014

When You Say Nothing At All

My husband and I started dating when I was 15.  That sounds so insane when I think about it now.  But of course at the time I thought I knew all there was to know about life and I was just sure he was the one.  Well, at least I was halfway right. ;)  Our "song" was "When You Say Nothing At All" by Allison Krauss.  I loved it then and I love it now.  One of the most special moments was being able to sing that song while my Daddy played guitar at a recital in high school.  And another special moment was dancing with my husband to that song at our wedding.  Here it is if you haven't heard itBy the way, watching that video makes me feel really old.  Ha!

I am a talker.  That comes as absolutely no surprise to those of you who know me.  But I have learned that sometimes words are not needed.  In my life of almost 31 years I have experienced a lot of moments where saying nothing at all seemed fitting.  And looking back, these times have been some of the most impactful, memorable moments of my life. 

Times like... 

When I said goodbye to my favorite uncle while he laid on his death bed.  I remember him trying to crack jokes like he always did.  I was scared.  I was confused.  I was heart broken.  I said nothing at all.

When my sister was preparing to leave home and move to Houston.  We were close but had spent most of our teenage years fighting.  We were just starting to have a genuinely close relationship and I was incredibly sad to have her gone when I needed her most.  So I said nothing at all.

When Garrett asked me to marry him and he went on and on with all these sweet words but I was so shocked and excited and nervous that I just stared at him.  And said nothing at all.  (Don't worry...I eventually said yes!)

When I left my wedding reception and hugged my parents extra tight not knowing when I would see them again.  I moved almost 2,000 miles away to become a Navy wife.  I remember just staring at them and trying to take it all in.  For fear of completely losing it, I said nothing at all.

When I went to the doctor after seeing what I thought was a positive result on a pregnancy test.  I had convinced myself it couldn't be possible.  I came out of the bathroom and the nurses were standing there smiling ear to ear and said, "Congrats, Mommy!"  I stared at them for a very long time and said nothing at all.

When I delivered my first son, Garrison, and finally...FINALLY got to hold that beautiful baby boy in my arms for the very first time.  I knew at that moment I was forever changed.  I stared at him for what seemed like eternity.  And said nothing at all.

When I met my youngest son, Ethan, for the very first time in the NICU and tried to absorb the overwhelming feelings that were flooding my heart.  I stared at the tubes covering this little miracle in the tiniest diaper I had ever seen.  My eyes filled with tears.  And I said nothing at all.

Sometimes silence is the greatest gift you can give someone or yourself.  I am learning to soak in moments like these and hold them close to my heart.  I am learning to listen more than I speak.  I find I am learning so much more about God, myself and life in general....when I say nothing at all.


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