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Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Daily Struggle - Let Them See You

I have learned that one of my daily struggles, particularly on work/school days, is being rushed.  It doesn't matter if I wake up an hour earlier or sleep in 10 minutes late... being rushed is a much too common occurrence.  Take yesterday morning for example.  I got up early to work out, got Garrison up in time to make him eggs for breakfast (pat on the back for me) and was feeling pretty accomplished about being ahead of schedule when I went to wake up Ethan.  I was shocked to find him wet from having an accident.  (Since we did the three day potty training he has not had one accident at night.)  I had to give him a bath which put him in a not so great mood and everything seemed off after that.  I started spouting off instructions to Garrison so we could leave the house in time.  I didn't spend time giving Ethan extra hugs and kisses like I sometimes do in the mornings.

I like to think I am an extremely patient wife and mom.  But what I have realized about myself lately is that my demeanor completely changes when I am rushed.  I halfway listen to what Garrison is telling me.  I may not yell but I become very short with my husband and kids when I am "in a hurry".  I pretty much abandon my normal self and turn into somewhat of a crazy person running around like a chicken with my head cut off. 

I know it's important to get Garrison to school on time and get myself to work on time...but at what cost?  Do I really want to drop Garrison off at school without enjoying a real conversation with him?  Do I really want to drive Ethan all the way to his sitter's house while listening to the radio to "decompress" from the crazy morning I just had?  Do I want to be snapping at my husband because I don't have time to answer his questions in the morning...even if that question is to ask if I want coffee?

The simple answer is no.  I heard this song on my way to work this morning and I really, really, really love it.  And I can totally relate. 

I want everyone, in particular my husband and children, to see Jesus in me.  Always.  Even when I'm rushing around in the morning.  Even when I'm stressed about something.  Even when I'm trying to tend to all of their needs.  God gave me these people that I am so incredibly grateful for and I want to show them nothing but love, joy, goodness, patience, kindness, gentleness and self control at all times.  I am not naïve enough to think that I will be perfect from here on out or that I will never lose my patience with my husband or children. 

But I will try my hardest to let them see Jesus in me.

Like last night when I put Ethan down and he said, "Song, Mommy.  Long one."  So I sang him "Amazing Grace" and soaked up the look he gave me while he watched me sing.

Like when I told Garrison how proud I was of him last night for the incredibly awesome play he made at his baseball game - tagging a kid out at home plate.  I told him how proud I am that he has worked so hard to finish this season strong and be there for his team after being out most of the season with a broken arm.  When that crooked smile I love so much spread across his face and he looked at me with a sense of pride and accomplishment I realized how much my words meant to him.

Please God, let them see YOU in me. 

"No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us. " ~1 John 4:12



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