Wednesday, September 17, 2014

You Can't Have It

Dear Satan,

Guess what?  You can't have my joy!  Not now, not ever.  The JOY of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10).

~A girl who knows where my joy comes from
John 10:10

I realize Satan is probably not reading my blog.  But when declaring something as powerful as this I find that it is sometimes best to declare out loud.  Or in writing. :)

Life has been pretty rough lately.  One thing after another just keeps going wrong.  The worst of this was when I found out on Monday that my company will be letting me go next week.  I had a feeling this was coming.  I knew that a great paying part time gig would not last too long. 

Rewind two plus years... I was contacted by a recruiter out of the blue about this job when I needed it the most - while at home on FMLA with our youngest, Ethan whom we had just adopted.  See, Ethan was two months premature and was not able to go to daycare right away.  He was extremely susceptible to RSV and other illnesses.  The thought of putting this teeny tiny newborn in daycare while I went back to a crazy stressful full time job was overwhelming and heartbreaking.  It was no coincidence this job came along right when our family needed it the most. 

Do you know some of the thoughts that went through my head when I realized I was going to lose my job?
I have never been fired or laid off.  I have always had excellent reviews, raises and bonuses.  I am really good at what I do.  I have supported some of the most difficult people on the face of the earth.  This is not even a real Executive Assistant role.  I'm bored here anyways.  At least I will make more money now.  I have never had a hard time getting a job so I'm not worried at all. 

I have been job searching for a couple of weeks now trying to get a head start on things.  I have had a couple of leads but no official offers yet.  My overconfidence quickly shifted to worry and hopelessness.  Through this process I have heard God's response to my over confident thoughts about myself and my abilities.    
How about a little humility, Juliana?  How about recognizing that any gifts you have come from me?  Are you ready to give up control and TRUST me yet?  Let me take this and stop worrying.  Maybe I have something so much better for you in mind.  TRUST me.  TRUST me.  TRUST me.

Monday was a bad day.  A really bad day.  I am normally someone who is full of joy no matter what my circumstances are but not on Monday.  EVERYTHING kept going wrong.  To the point where at the end of the night the hubbs and I finally sat down to eat dinner and my dog started peeing on the floor right in front of me.  Instead of jumping up and steering him outside I just sat there and watched him, laughing.  I'm sure I looked completely insane to my husband.  And thank God for my husband because he brought me back to reality.  Garrett: "WHAT is wrong with you?  I know you have had a bad day and things aren't going right but you need to snap out of it.  Being in a bad mood all day and night, taking it out on me and the kids is not going to make anything better."  Notice I didn't say he lovingly brought me back to reality.  Ha!  But he knows me and he knew that was exactly what I needed to hear. 

I had some prayer warriors that day and I was assured of that when I woke up the next morning FULL of unspeakable joy.  It was at that moment that I decided I would not let Satan take my joy.  Go ahead and make me clumsy, put me in crazy traffic, take my job, make my dog pee on the floor multiple times, overflow the toilet, make my kid poop his pants (no lie, y'all) but you WILL NOT TAKE MY JOY!

"Satan has no refuge when joy is present."  ~Jerry Savelle

God has never failed me.  He has remained faithful in my lowest of lows and highest of highs.  The least I can do is give him control of this and everything else in my life. 
Maybe I will get a job tomorrow.  Maybe it will be next month.  Maybe I will get the money I want.  Maybe I won't.  In the meantime I choose to TRUST Him and live my life for Him - full of JOY! 


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